April, 5th

By Rich Clegg

In case you haven’t heard, Barack Obama told GM that if they want any government aid, their CEO needs to resign.

Or maybe you did hear it…maybe you heard it in the background on a news commercial during your favorite prime time drama, or reality show, for those of you who are still into that sorta’ thing.  It might’ve given you a sense of pride in our government and president that they told big business to take a seat. Or maybe it worried you that big government took a stand. Or maybe, you could’ve just not cared at all and continued eating Mike N Ikes while watching “Cops.”

Whether you’re a liberal, conservative, green, or yellow; America and Elmhurst can agree that the president cannot tell you to leave your job, unless you’re Rod Blagojevich. When Obama casts the die and rolls out a new CEO to GM, it’s time to start worrying.
Imagine if President Ray did this to us.

Just one day, you’re walking along, minding your own business, proud of your title as head of the audio visual club; and Ray tells you, “Listen Jack, you did good, but you’re out or the AV club is buying their own slide projectors this year.” Where I come from, we call this the “King of England getting up in your face”.

Oh sure Obama’s approval rating is looking snazzy, and he’s been sporting that American flag pin more than ever; but pins and polls may break my bones while we ignore that government control over business during a recession is a direct reduction of the rights of the American citizen.

This government is starting to sound like 1776 all over again in more ways than one. For those smokers reading this paper, probably while smoking, consider that prices of cigarettes (and all other forms of tobacco) are going up more than they ever have in the history of the whole wide world.  Those jokers who consider this a great idea call it a “win-win,” because people smoke less and more tax money comes in…wait…did you hear that?  Less smokers equals more tax money?

In theory, if there are less people smoking, then wouldn’t there be less tax money? Also, in theory, if there was, oh let’s say, a tax hike on tea, wouldn’t we all get dressed up in costumes and dump crates of it into Lake Michigan?

This government used to be about good things like bearing arms, not quartering soldiers, and kicking out the Brits.  On a more contemporary level, this government used to allow things like optional seat belt usage, cheap smoking indoors, and camera-less intersections.  Ok, so maybe laws like this save a few lives; but did George Washington care about saving a few lives when he wanted to be free?

Maybe the CEO of GM is just as bad as smoking or running a red light; but when does the government let us ruin our own lives the way we intend to? How am I entitled to the pursuit of happiness when I have to stop behind the line at an intersection or else a useless blinding flash takes a snapshot of my plates while some other notably unengaged text messaging motorist rear ends me because I had to slam on the brakes?

EC, please do not follow suit with the government. Let the Elmhurst college student body live where they want, even if dorm life might get bad for ya’ social life by senior year. Let the freshman take whatever classes they want like every other Elmhurst grad did…yeah I’m talkin’ to you, board of trustees.

And finally, see what you can do for us lowly undergrads to get the feeling like we’re worth something around here that’s greater than tuition money.  Pretend that without us, this college would vanish.
If the French taught us anything, it’s that a quick solution to a powerful aristocracy is to storm the Bastille.

Well, I don’t know what a Bastille is let alone how to storm it in French (take note on what you should be teaching me, EC). But what I do know is that this country, this housing body, and this commuting somebody will not stand for any one person telling us if we can be the CEO of GM or live in West Hall.