You see, I was sitting in a quiet classroom enjoying my pre-class mocha the other day when I happened to overhear a fine young man sharing the story of his previous evening. 
 


He explained to an attractive young lady sitting next to him that he had stayed up way past his bedtime playing Nintendo with his buddy who lives across the hall. 
 


This is not what disturbed me. I can understand the sweet seduction of video games since I myself have lost quite a few evenings to that vixen. 
 


However, he continued to explain to the darling woman next to him that he would have left earlier, but he just had to stay: there had been a woman there who wanted to hook up with his buddy, but his buddy didn’t feel the same way. 
 


Now, I know all of us can understand the necessity of a loyal friend in those types of situations. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a buddy around to help keep the situation a little less awkward and uncomfortable. 
 


It was what he said next that sent me reeling. 
 

He simply stated that if he hadn’t stayed, his buddy would have HAD to hook up with the woman he didn’t have any interest in.
 


I expected the kid to crack a smile, confess to the flabbergasted girl at his side that he was just kidding. 
 


But he didn’t. He was serious. 
 


His buddy could not be left alone in a room with a woman who had a crush on him because, even though he wasn’t interested, he would have somehow felt forced into ‘hooking up’ with her. 
 


Please, men of this campus, please tell me I misunderstood something. 
 


At the very least, assure me this is not some kind of law of Guyhood, that not all of you feel this way. 
 


Because if this is how men truly function on campus, we have a horrible problem on our hands. 
 


Not only is this plainly a hurtful game to play with the emotions and expectations of the woman, but what exactly does this concept of ‘obligation sex’ say about you, gentlemen? 
 


What kind of twisted integrity and tarnished self esteem are you working with if you feel forced into hooking up with a girl just because she has a bit of a crush on you? 
 


Men of Elmhurst, if this is how you feel, then it is time to take a deep breath, look in the mirror and tell yourselves you are beautiful, you’re wonderful, and you deserve more than just a pity date and a pint of ice cream. 
 


It’s really okay if you don’t like the lady who’s giving you the sticky eyes over her red plastic cup from across the room. Just tell her that, using your polite ‘big boy words,’ of course. 
 


Yeah, it’s going to suck if she cries or runs and tells her friends you’re a jerk, but I promise it will suck a hundred times more when she finds out you only fooled around with her because you were left alone with her and didn’t have the spine to ‘fess up to not liking her. 
 


 And she will find out. 
 

Ladies, you’ve got to back me up here, please. 
 


Try your hardest not to slash his tires or stalk his next girlfriend when Mr. Awesome-Eyes-and-Great-Hair shuts down your advances. 
 


It will always be easier to walk away and get over Mr. Awesome-Eyes before he turns into Mr. Used-Me. 
 


So ladies and gentlemen, I’m begging you to use your words and not your bodies, when you find yourself alone in a dark room with Mr. or Ms. Not-For-Me. 
 


I promise, if both of you play nicely and respect yourselves and each other, your lives and my pre-class mochas will be much more pleasant.